Question: My husband and I welcomed our baby girl 2 months ago. Our relationship has struggled since then. He helps with the baby, but I know he can do more. When I tell him how tired I am, he tells me that it’s hard for him too. We never really argued much before but lately we find ourselves bickering. I’m hoping this is a phase but I don’t know.

Answer: First of all, congratulations on your baby girl! Parenthood is an adventure like nothing else! I’m not a marriage counselor but as a parent coach, marriage generally is a topic that comes up because parenthood and marriage impact one another tremendously.

My husband and I have been together nearly 19 years, married 12. We’ve been through ups and downs and have welcomed 3 babies along the way and those experiences certainly stretched our relationship. I remember a GIANT argument that ensued between us over a Dyson vacuum cleaner about 5 weeks after having my baby. I was crying. He was huffing & puffing– over a vacuum cleaner. Just let that sink in.

New parenthood does some crazy things to us.

With lack of sleep, exhaustion, sometimes isolation and a huge change in lifestyle, stresses become high and it’s easy to feel lost within our Self. When this happens, it’s almost expected that other areas of life will be impacted: marriage is definitely no exception.

My advice is to first remember that this is a season of parenthood that is HARD…for both of you.

If you generally had a strong relationship before baby, it is still there buried under a lot of new changes. Identify your own needs and ensure those are met– start with basics. When we are depleted, we cannot give to someone else.

Openly communicate. Don’t blame each other. You are a team against the problem, not each other. This isn’t a competition of who has it worst; you both are experiencing life changes in different ways.

We all have different personalities and what makes us feel loved and appreciated varies too. Communicate what you need from each other to feel valued and appreciated.

It does get easier over time. Just find a way to stay connected. Hold on tight and be grateful that you ahve someone to share the Dyson with.

**The contents of this is for inspirational purposes. It is always recommended to seek professional help if you have concerns.**